Coitus Interruptus

Thursday night

I was in my early 20s again, and my friend Polly and I were at the beginning of a torrid romance. We had gone back to an apartment or townhouse that I shared with other people, but apparently couldn't wait to get to my room; we chose the first room that was available. Things were going well; she was smitten; she was willing; I was at my most suave and debonair. We kissed, as she backed up toward a long table. She suggested that we could get together there; she'd never done it on a table before. I was game, but first I had to close a large wooden sliding door that separated our room from onlookers in other parts of the house. I tried to slide the door over several times, but couldn't get it to latch; it kept bouncing back. This was not helping the overall mood that had been created up till that moment. Finally, Polly had had enough, and got up off the table to take charge. She picked up the wall phone and called the super, saying in a strong voice, "I need somebody to come up here and fix this thing."

*****

Polly is a dear old friend from high school days. She and I never dated or "got it together," although, interestingly enough, she did accompany my twin brother to the high school prom. She just re-joined an e-mail list serv that I share with my brothers and several good friends.

This dream has the makings of a pretty good sexual farce. All that's missing is a sarcastic old-timer, who might comment, "Can't get the ol' deadbolt in the lock, eh?"

Just Joking / School? / Homecoming

Saturday night

Dream 1: Just Joking

My sister-in-law's dad, Steve W., was always belting out Frank Sinatra songs. My brother, Andrew, and his wife, Susan, found out that a new film about Sinatra's life was coming to a local theater, so they decided to surprise Steve by treating him to some tickets. It turned out that he didn't want them. Steve had never liked Sinatra; he sang his songs in an exaggerated style only to make fun of him.

Dream 2: School?

My wife's coworker, Matt Servitto (Agent Harris on "The Sopranos") heard that I was interested in going back to school, so he gave me a brochure from his alma mater, the University of Idaho. My wife and I looked it over, but found the information to be sobering. It would cost $12,000 annually, and I would be in school 10 months out of the year. She said, "I don't know..." and I agreed; I responded, "Hello, George Mason."

Dream 3: Homecoming

My wife and I were attending a large outdoor picnic at the Parthenon in downtown Nashville. We were seated at one of many picnic tables in a large open-air shed, meaning that there was a roof covering all of the tables, but the picnic area was open on all sides, so people could come and go as they pleased. We were there for the annual Nashville homecoming celebration, and were anticipating the announcement of this year's homecoming king and queen. My wife and I took it with a grain of salt; we didn't really believe in this sort of thing, but attended more out of curiosity.

I noticed that a program for the event was lying on our table, so I picked it up and began reading about the ceremony and its traditions. Homecoming king and queen applicants had to pay a hefty entry fee even to be considered, and the results were shrouded in secrecy until the unveiling at the picnic. Then I got to a paragraph that made me laugh out loud: the Nashville homecoming queen of 1825 was disqualified for having six ears! My wife and I were enjoying the ridiculousness of the situation when I noticed that the guy seated across from us was on the same wavelength. He had a sense of irony, and he found the paragraph and the whole ceremony to be absurd and preposterous, too. We struck up a conversation with him, and he mentioned his wife; he said, "It's just the two of us here," meaning that they had no children, either. I thought to myself, "Maybe we could become friends with these people."

*****

Dream 1: Just Joking

I'm working hard to prepare some discs that are part of my ongoing CD compilation series, and lately I've been searching for "one more" good song that I've overlooked from 1955-1984. I've nominated a few, and tested them, but as of last night, none were found to be "good enough." Last night I was belting out "Misty" by Johnny Mathis (a song that made it onto one of my comps years ago) while buttering bread and getting my dinner ready. I hit so many terrible notes that both my wife and I burst out laughing. She suggested that I should record my own singing, include it as a surprise bonus track, and be done with it. It's a cute idea, but it wouldn't wear well over time, so I'm going to pass.

Anyway, my mangling of Johnny Mathis standards morphed into Steve's mangling of Sinatra tunes last night.

Dream 2: School?

My wife has just gotten a really good new job, so that means that our stay in Nashville will be extended, possibly by as much as five years. We've been having conversations about how I can develop some friendships and really "live" here, as opposed to just existing here, looking forward to moving back home to Virginia. I suppose that last night I was proposing to myself that I could really make something of those years if I decided to go back to school and get a degree. I've thought about it from time to time. It probably came up because yesterday I checked out my friend Ed B.'s page on MySpace, or FaceBook, or whatever it is, and noticed that he'd had several false starts in college, but got degrees later in life, both from community college and Strayer University in D.C. By the way, George Mason is a college in Fairfax, Virginia. I was surmising in the dream that it would be cheaper to attend George Mason than the University of Idaho. I'm quite sure that both would cost a whole lot more than $12,000 a year.

This dream was also influenced by a compilation program of "A Prairie Home Companion" that I heard on the radio yesterday; it culled together skits and songs that pertained to going back to school. One of the comedy bits warned today's 7th graders that they will probably have to work in the mines to pay off their million-dollar college loans.

I have no idea where actor Matt Servitto went to school, or if he did go at all. I'm guessing that I thought of Idaho because scandal-plagued Senator Larry Craig hails from that state, and he's been all over the news lately.

Dream 3: Homecoming

I've had some funny dreams in my time, but it's hard to beat one about an inbred homecoming queen with six ears. When I got up this morning, I told my wife this story, and followed up by saying, "Now I can see why people might think that I'm making these things up while I'm awake." I suppose that this was just a nasty dig at Nashville, but it sure cracked me up. As far as I know there is no such thing as a homecoming pageant at the Parthenon. I probably read something in passing about a homecoming ceremony at a local high school, maybe while flipping through old yearbooks at an antique shop.

I went in to work for a little while yesterday, and as I parked the car in the lot across from the office, I looked over at the old train station building, which was remodeled many years ago into a hotel. My wife and I spent a weekend in that hotel back in 2000. My employer in Virginia was trying to talk me into transferring here, and we stayed there while we drove around and got to know a little bit about the city. Yesterday I was remembering the way the building looked 7 years ago; there used to be a historic train shed adjacent to the hotel, which amounted to a one long roof which covered the trains and protected them from inclement weather. It's gone now, removed to make way for a parking lot. That's somebody's idea of progress, I guess. Anyway, that train shed turned into the covered picnic shed in this dream. There is no permanent covered shed at the Parthenon, although they have events there in temporary tents all the time.

I didn't recognize the fellow who sat across the table from me, but it's clear that he was a kindred spirit. Even while I was sleeping I was thinking about developing friendships with people who are close to my age, and with whom I share some things in common.

What Are You Gonna Do? / Blackjack

Friday night

Dream 1: What Are You Gonna Do?

I was standing just inside the basement back door to my parents' house when a priest opened the door and came in from outside. He was tall, and appeared to be in his 30s, with a receding hairline and a small mustache; he was dressed all in black. I said, "Hello, Father," but he didn't respond. He walked past me into the "old basement" on my left. Soon he came back out of the old basement; he had changed into a white doctor's outfit. He walked past me again, and into the basement playroom. I turned around so I could watch him through the doorway. He sat down, facing me, giving me a stern look, but still said nothing. I began to get really nervous and agitated. Suddenly he got up and made quick strides right at me. In quick succession I said,

"What are you gonna do?"
"What are you gonna do?"
"What are you gonna do?"
"What are you gonna do?"

and then I woke up.

Dream 2: Blackjack

The latest round of my friends' yearly poker tournament was about to begin, and the participants sat down at a long, rectangular table, about the size of an outdoor picnic table. I sat at the far right end, with my back to the viewer's vantage point. My brother Andrew was there, as were my friends Mark F. and Eddie M. I was surprised to see that Mark's wife, Susan, was going to play; she sat across from me. I said, "I'm glad you could join us."

Someone began dealing a hand of Blackjack, and my first two cards totaled 17. (The point of the game was to try to get to 21, or close to it, without going over.) I was trying to decide whether to risk taking more cards when I noticed that several cards on the deck that the dealer was using were turned face-up. I could clearly see three small cards in a row; an Ace, a 2 and another Ace. (Aces could count as 1 or 11 points in this game -- as the highest or lowest card in the deck.)

I frowned and contemplated declaring a misdeal -- always a difficult decision after players have already looked at their cards, and some have begun betting. Eddie knew what I was thinking, and tried to dissuade me. He said, "It wouldn't have mattered anyway," presumably meaning that someone else already had an unbeatable hand.

*****

Dream 1: What Are You Gonna Do?

This is the first nightmare that I've had in awhile. I woke up trembling. My wife and I had been talking last night about the fact that I haven't been to the doctor in a long time. She was encouraging me to schedule a physical and an appointment with the dentist. I'm not really afraid of doctors, but was always afraid of the dentist when I was young, because he never gave me enough Novacaine to dull my pain. I've also always been afraid of authority figures who gave me the silent treatment.

I know that I've seen this priest/doctor before, in an old movie. I suspect that he was the kind doctor who looked out for Kris Kringle in the original version of "Miracle on 34th Street." He wasn't very kind to me.

The phrase "What are you gonna do" is Jersey-speak often heard on "The Sopranos," meaning "What can you do?" Example: "I'm sorry to hear that your mother died." Response: "What are you gonna do?" My usage of the phrase definitely had a different meaning; I wanted to know what that doctor was going to do to me.

Dream 2: Blackjack

I fly up to the D.C. area next Friday, and will play in the second round of this year's poker tournament at Eddie's on Saturday night. Andrew and Mark will be there, but Mark's wife will not; no women have played in the tournament in the past 20 years.

I think this dream means that I feel compelled to be the enforcer of the rule book while some players are lax in that regard. I'm not saying that anyone cheats; only that the rules are not adhered to stringently in all cases. Sometimes players simply don't know what the rules are, or they forget, or there might be a dispute. I try to see that the same rules apply to everyone, so the playing field is even, and no one has an unfair advantage over anyone else. If everybody abided by the rules, I wouldn't have to be the stickler, the enforcer, or the bad guy. I don't like it; it's a chore.

If Jeff had followed the tournament rules that I'd sent him in advance, I wouldn't have had to call him on his rule breaking, and maybe he and I would still be friends. (See the explanation following "Another Day, Another Theater," August 29.) Then again, maybe we wouldn't anyway.

Steps Out

Thursday night

I was back at my parents' house, and overheard part of a conversation that my mom was having on the kitchen phone. She said, "It's OK. Two of the boys are out of the house now, and [my name] is about to start going to college."

I went out the front door, and time seemed to slow down. As I walked down the concrete steps I stopped and studied each one in minute detail.

*****

There was a black mounted wall phone in my parents' kitchen, and whenever Mom spoke on that phone she would sit just outside the kitchen in a dining room chair, with her back against the wall.

I don't know if this is a snippet of a real conversation or not, but based on what was said, it would date this dream to 1981. The concrete steps were removed sometime in the 1980s and replaced by new ones made of brick.

Men in White / The Grump / Admirer

Monday night

Dream 1: Men in White

My girlfriend, Michelle, had enlisted me to help out in the renovation of an old farmhouse out in the country. The idea was that her family would move into it eventually. When I got to the site my initial thought was, "this place probably can't be saved." The old house was made of stone, and it was pretty run-down. To make matters worse, a wall on the right side of the house was connected to another building project -- something taller, possibly an apartment building.

Instead of walking into the farmhouse, I wound up taking an elevator to the top of the building that was under construction, and I wound up working there. When I got to the top I found that the owners in charge of the new building were my cousins, David and Wingard. They were dressed completely in white golfing outfits, right down to their shoes, and a Lucite box containing golf balls sat in the middle of the concrete floor. I got the impression that they did no work, but when they got bored bossing people around, they'd hit a few balls off of the upper deck. I resented getting roped into the project, and wished I'd never gone there in the first place.

Not long after I arrived, I needed to go to the bathroom, but since the building only contained slabs and steel girders at that point, none were to be found. I decided to pee directly onto the concrete, into a pool of rainwater.

Dream 2: The Grump

A friend of mine was constantly enlisting me to help out with his elderly relative -- probably his grandfather. He was a grumpy old guy, and I was spending so much time doing chores at his place, I started to feel guilty that I wasn't spending more time at home with my own mom and dad. I remember standing inside the basement door of the old cuss'es house, watching as he struggled with a very heavy garbage can. It seemed important to him that I'd see that he could lift it. Finally, I said, "Put that down; let me do it." He sighed with resignation, and acquiesced.

Dream 3: Admirer

I was on some road trip with my brother Andrew and we ended up bunking in the same bed. Just before we went to sleep he was asking me if I'd seen a recent magazine photo shoot of singer Sheryl Crow. He was a fan...

*****

Some interesting themes popped up last night.

Dream 1: Men in White

Michelle L. was my girlfriend for a year, around 1989 - 1990. I haven't seen her since about 1991. Her family lived in Haymarket, out past Gainesville, VA, which, to a suburanite such as myself, might as well have been over the moon. I'll never forget driving out to her place one time and coming across a cow standing in the middle of the road. That was far-out. I'm sure that that area has grown a lot in the past 17 years; the great BBQ stand that I used to visit there is long gone.

David and Wing are my cousins, but they don't own any apartment buildings that I'm aware of, and I've never worked for either of them. I don't recall ever seeing them dressed in white, but they do probably golf on occasion.

There's a lot of resentment in that dream, about doing tedious work that I don't like, and feeling unappreciated. I piss on your concrete!

Come to think about it, I may have been remembering part of a "Sopranos" episode in which one of Tony's subordinates got drunk and came to his house, prepared to gun him down. He thought better of it, and took a leak in Tony's pool instead.

Dream 2: The Grump

The guy who "played" the grandpa in this dream is an old British actor named Peter Vaughan, who I recently saw in a funny film called "Death at a Funeral." (I think I'd first seen him portray the father of Anthony Hopkins' character in "Remains of the Day.") Although the house in the dream was supposed to be his, we were actually standing inside the back door at my parents' house.

Am I feeling guilty that I'm not nearer my elderly dad as he gets older? Am I worried about getting older, too?

Little Rasta Man

I was having a party at my apartment, and guests were lounging on the couches and milling about. The doorbell rang and I got up to answer it. I opened the door to see my coworker, Kahata, her date, and her son. The date was a big, tall guy. He looked like he could have been a football player, but he was wearing a sportcoat. Kahata's son was quite small, but his hair was a long set of dredlocks. I reached out to hold him, and she handed the boy to me. I said, "It looks like we have a young Bob Marley here!" She and her date both smiled, and said, "Yeah."

*****

Kahata is one of my coworkers, and she does have a young son, but he's not wearing dreds in the photos I've seen in her cubicle. The "football player" is made-up. I told Kahata about this dream when I got to work today, and she said she'd like to meet that guy.

Blackmailing the DJ

Sunday night

I was part of the upper management team at a broadcasting company. One of our disc jockeys, Cerphe, came to see me, and he was upset. His boss was underpaying him because he (the DJ) had a criminal record in his past. The boss felt that he should be content to have this job, whatever the pay, and there was a not-so-subtle hint in the air that if he complained too much, his secret would be exposed to the public.

*****

Cerphe is a popular DJ who is currently celebrating his 35th year on the air in the D.C. area. My friends and I grew up listening to him, and I've met him a few times. He's currently on a station called "The Globe."

The bit in this dream about a criminal past is completely fictional. There's no truth to it whatsoever; just more wierd stuff from dreamland.

*****

August Dream Roundup

The following people showed up in my dreams in August 2007:


Family and Friends

My wife
Andrew C.
Ann R.
Brent L.
Dad
Eddie M.
Gordon S.
Jimmie C.
MaMa (My grandmother; her funeral was reenacted in "MaMa")
Mari-Jane W.
Preston W.
Susan W.
Wendy G.

Coworkers and Acquaintances

Duncan S.
Eric T.
Jamie P.
Jeff D.
Pat H.
Shannon F.

Celebrities

ABBA (Their record appeared in "Vinyl Days")
Aida Torturro (as Janice Soprano)
Bruce Springsteen
The Byrds (Video made for their song "Goin' Back" in "Videos")
Conan O'Brien
The Eagles (Paul McCartney sang one of their songs in "Strange Set")
Ellen Degeneres
Elvis Costello
The Everly Brothers
James Gandolfini (as Tony Soprano)
The Monkees
Mike Myers
Paul McCartney
Pete Townshend
Roger Daltrey
Spike Lee
Stevie Nicks (Her 45 appeared in "Vinyl Days")
Styx (Their records appeared in "Vinyl Days")
Tom Snyder

Dreams about Mom & Dad's House: 4