Trying to Break Free

Saturday night

I was visiting with my friend, Preston, at his house, but I was preoccupied and doing things that were out of character. I picked up one of his spiral notebooks and began doodling on it. Next, I found a book that he had about the late singer Bob Marley, and personalized it to him by signing a fake Marley autograph on the cover. Preston was understandably surprised by my actions. I apologized, told him that I wasn't myself, and promised to get him new copies of both items.

For some time I'd had dealings with a charismatic, powerful young man, and I was pretty sure that he was involved in some nefarious business dealings, if not outright criminal activity. I had to go meet with him next, and was wondering how I'd extricate myself from him, once and for all. He was a complicated guy. While I was fairly certain that he was engaged in criminal enterprises, I also saw how well he seemed to treat his friends and employees, opening his home to them and their families. I owed the guy some money, and I was concerned about it. I headed over to his apartment.

I walked through the front door, and found the place buzzing with activity. I passed a Ping-Pong table in the living room, where a black man was having a game with his two young daughters. Next, I came across a lower table where the host was seated with a group of Mexican children. They were playing a game, or possibly working on some sort of crafts. He noticed me, looked up, and said, "You look worried. Let's talk." We walked over to the dining room and sat down at a table. I was a little afraid of him. I began, "It's just that I owe you all this money..." He said, "Family members pay each other back over years. You don't have to pay it all now." I said, "Well, I just got paid, so I have the money for the CDs and DVDs; I just need to go by an ATM machine. And I've got the $100 you gave me to get you the stereo, and I thought I'd pay that back to you now." He smiled, but he was serious. He said calmly, "But I delegated that to you." I squirmed a little and said, "Well, here's the thing. When I bought my own stereo, I got something to play my CDs, and a pair of headphones. I never had to think that much about playback [through speakers]." (In other words, I don't really know what I'm doing.) So, if you still want me to buy it for you, you'll have to take what you get."

At that point, several adult white people passed through the dining room on the way out to the backyard. They must have been out there earlier; they wore jeans and T-shirts, and their clothes were covered with brown dust. They all wore white chalk on their faces. Apparently they had been involved in some elaborate tribal game outside, presumably with more kids. Sensing that our conversation about money was over, the host stood up, pointed toward the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room, and announced, "And now, [CPC] will help decorate!"

*****

The main character in this dream isn't based on anyone that I know, but may be an amalgam of any of a number of charismatic criminals from movies or TV shows. This dream had a pretty strong narrative drive to it, showing how the bad guy can be charming if you're on his side, but pretty scary if you cross him, or try to extricate yourself from his circle.

The days of the $100 stereo are long gone, I'm afraid.

I lost my job in 2005, and went through a fairly rough time in 2006, after my severance pay ran out. I was temping for several months, and took a big cut in pay. My brother Drew wanted me to keep coming up for the poker tournaments, so he paid for a couple of my trips back home out of pocket. Now that I'm back on my feet, I'm sending him regular payments to knock that debt down. He has told me over and over again not to worry about it, that we're family, and I could pay him back in the old folks home, for all he cares. Still, it's important to me, not only for my own self-esteem, but also to show good faith in him, that I pay him something every month, and that's what I'm doing. That's why the bit about debt between family members filtered into this dream. Now, as for the tribal games in the yard... ?