Mail Bonding / A Shot at Fame

Thursday night

Dream 1: Mail Bonding

My brother Andrew was a reporter again, and I was visiting with him as he attempted to make arrangements for a forthcoming trip to China. He was trying to arrange passage of some type between two remote cities, and had hit upon the idea of hitching a ride between the two towns in a mail carrier's truck. I stood near him as he negotiated this plan with one of the Chinese Post Offices via telephone. The good news was that the manager of the post office spoke English, and seemed to be an American. The bad news was that he wasn't going for it, and Drew was getting pretty exasperated. The manager said, "We're not bonded for a trip like that." Andrew said, "I know that! I'm not either!"

Dream 2: A Shot at Fame

My wife and I had gone with a few friends to a large theme park, and decided to catch the variety show in a big outdoor amphitheater. We lucked into some pretty good seats, about three rows from the front, at stage left (to the right of the stage, from our perspective). I was wearing a canvas fisherman's cap; it was white on top, with a blue lip, and it had several breathing holes in it, surrounded by metal grommets. (It was probably pretty similar to the hat Gilligan wears on "Gilligan's Island," except for the blue color on the bottom portion, and the holes around the sides.) Anyway, on this day I had decided to unfold the hat and wear it so that it practically covered my eyes. I was wearing shades, too, to complete the look.

I must have looked pretty distinctive to the folks who ran the show, because one of their employees, an Asian man, spotted me from the stage, pointed at me, and said, "You! Do you want to be part of the show today?" I said, "OK," and climbed up there. He led me backstage, to prepare for my bit. I planned to make the most of it; I knew that the star of the show had dated Cher once upon a time, so I was going to startle him by getting in front of a mike and saying, "So, how are you and Cher getting along these days?" (I was snarky that way.)

It was a gigantic complex, just for the stage production, and it was easy to get turned around back there. I found myself wandering between several sound stages, trying to figure out where I should be. Finally, I came across three young producers, in matching black polo shirts. I asked them what I should do, and they led me to the makeup table, where two young women with black hair were going through the motions getting people ready. My makeup artist had black-rimmed glassed. The whole thing seemed exciting to me. I said, "Do you like your job?" She hesitated, then frowned, and shook her head. Someone walked by and called out, "50 minutes," meaning that I had that much time till my skit began. Just then, someone else joined us at the makeup table; Max C. had shown up to see if he could have his 15 minutes of fame, too. He wasn't chosen by the staff; he was filling out a "stand-by" form, on the off chance that he could be an extra. I said to no one, and everyone, "If Gilbert Godfried can be a successful comedian, so can Max!" Suddenly, Max leaped atop the table and shouted, "THAT'S RIGHT!"

*****

Dream 1: Mail Bonding

My brother Andrew was a reporter for a long time. He still works for a newspaper, but he's in management now. My dad worked on the government side of the U.S. Postal Service for about 25 years.

Dream 2: A Shot at Fame

I did indeed have that canvas hat, and liked it a lot. I think I got it during a beach vacation, years ago.

Max is an interesting guy that I knew at the foundation where I used to work, in Virginia. He was, and is, a radio reporter. He was always friendly to me. Nowadays he can still be heard reporting on D.C. government matters on National Public Radio. Sometimes we even hear his reports on Nashville's public radio station.