New Dad Jitters

Monday night

My brother Jimmie and sister-in-law Dawn were expecting their first child, and Jimmie was nervous. He realized that with the big day coming soon, he only had a few weeks left before he had to crack down and be serious, so he went out and got a Mohawk haircut. It was high and thick and dyed jet black, and looked stunning; in the front, anyway. It stopped abruptly in the middle where his hair was thinning, but resumed on the back of his head.

Jimmie invited me to visit with him in the backyard of his house, and we were sitting on a patio in some metal chairs, next to a round table. He seemed agitated. He said, "I won't even be able to communicate with the baby for two years!" I told him that it was going to be fine. He said, "What will you say to the kid?" I said, "What do you mean?" He said, "You'd better be careful..." and motioned for me to follow him. He led me around the corner, where, to my surprise, I found that a long wall in the back of their house had been turned into a display of stores, resorts and individuals who had been sued by Dawn. There were examples of broken products, tales of broken promises, etc., all nicely mounted on a blue wall, surrounded by graphics in large white type. The bottom of the wall was nicely landscaped, with gravel separating the wall from the walkway. The implication was that I'd better watch what I say, or I could be the next exhibit.

*****

Wicked, but funny. For the record, I am unaware of thinning hair on the back of Jimmie's head, or of any litigious activities instigated by Dawn. They are expecting their first child, and I did speak with Jimmie last night. I think he does have a case of new-dad nerves, which is normal, but it's going to be OK.